The Whole of Us

When I was nineteen I spent over a month nursing in Nepal, working to bring health care and education into hospitals and community clinics. The experience had a huge impact on my life as I realised not only how incredibly privileged I was, but the sad lack of medical access and basic human rights people experience. It showed me how big the problem is. I must admit, I anticipated gratitude and a sense of a ‘job well done’, I pictured thankful children who would appreciate the time and money I was spending to be with them. I can vividly remember walking through one of the rural villages, surrounded by children grabbing my clothes and demanding money. ‘Give me money’ give me a lollie’ they shouted at us. How ungrateful I thought to myself.

My experience, my impact felt so small. We had brought medical equipment to use and gift to the hospitals we visited but the reality is, when we go and the supplies run out, they are back to where they started. The seemingly insignificant impact felt troubling to me, and although I did enjoy much of the work our team got to do, the problems felt too great, too big. I left feeling overwhelmed and a lot of shame and guilt for the life I was returning to.

Over ten years later, now with a family, we found ourselves with the opportunity to visit an orphanage while travelling to Thailand. Our main reason for visiting Bangkok was to spend some time with our friend Pastor Soonthorn and the children and staff of House of Blessing (HOB). Tom’s family have a special relationship with HOB and have been many times to support the incredible work done here. The foundation works with prisoners, ex-prisoners, youths and children of prisoners. We had the privilege of spending a couple of days there, playing with the children and visiting the nursery, some of whom were only a few months old. Forced to be given up or abandoned, they are taken in by HOB who love and care for them.

We were welcomed into the nursery and I found myself sitting on the hard floor, dripping in sweat, holding this sweet little girl. I shut out all the questions and all the problems I could logically see over her little life and allowed myself to be present. In that moment nothing else mattered but the little girl who was snuggled in my arms.

Rose coloured glasses and a certain amount of naivety make a lot of sense for young nineteen year old me. Back then I had dreams of changing the world, and I guess today I still do, but the difference is the measurement of success and impact. If all I do is sitting on the ground and being with this little girl, is it worth it? If all I achieve is getting just a little bit more love into her heart, does it matter? What if my presence, in this instance, is more valuable than the doing and fixing?

Better than screaming from a roof top, was whispering over her heart as I held her in my arms. She looked up at me, hands tightly gripping my arm, little eyes staring into mine, and my heart overflowed with love. There is no where else I’d rather be than with you here in this moment. You are worthy of time. You are so wanted. You are precious, you are delighted in and I’m so glad to be here with you.

It is the many small words and actions of love that bring the greatest impact. The effect of losing the hero mentality and agenda and just intentionally choosing into a moment and being present with love is profound. For the people on the ground, working tirelessly to create change and make a difference, our attention, presence and financial offering go a long way.

We didn’t fix anything by spending time at HOB. I don’t know if anyone will even remember us.But for just a moment, one little girl knew that she mattered more than anything else in the world.That she was worthy of the time and the space she took up. That her life and her future matters and that truth spoken over her is powerful.

Time spent at HOB has impacted us all differently. Seeing the way they love and care for the people around them regardless of their story, background or crime. Just being with them was such an honour. They are transforming and healing generations and giving people hope and just for a little bit we got to be apart of that story. By holding, loving and laughing. By being present and pouring just a little bit more love over the people we met. Change happens slowly, one little heart at a time. One kind word, one hug, one truth over and over again. The experience showed me more than ever the importance of the one.

The people of HOB are easy to love. It was a huge honour to be welcomed into their home and our time with them will stay with each of us.  

Have you spent time in an orphanage? How did you find it?

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